mausbrucas
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:38:01 GMT -5
Okay, so this is the actual Boomerangs story that resulted after i wrote the oneshot Boomerangs. A lot of people elsewhere enjoyed this one of mine. I hope you all will too.
This story is the first story where i have actually written in first person point of view, and written in only 2 character;s points of view exclusively, so i hope it turned out well. Let me know what you think anyway. And feel free to ask me any questions if you are confused by what is going on. It can be confusing.
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mausbrucas
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:39:39 GMT -5
PROLOGUE Boomerangs…you know, those little L-shaped Frisbees that you throw out into the world that always come back? No matter which way you throw them, they always come back to where they started. We really love boomerangs, especially when they find their way back.
Boomerangs are very special to us. They are a symbol of our love and our relationship, a relationship that has been through so much. So much in fact, that we have convinced ourselves several times that it could never work, that we were not right for each other. After all, we got back together and broke up half a dozen times. How could it ever work? But…whenever we did give up on one another, things always changed. We always found our way back. It’s truly amazing.
So how does all this, us, relate to boomerangs? Well, it is kind of a long story, but it is a story we are more than happy to share…
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mausbrucas
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:40:18 GMT -5
ONE New York City, New York…the city that never sleeps. I see what they mean by that now. It’s very busy in the city night and day. I haven’t really had a chance or time yet to experience the city life yet, since I’ve only been here a few weeks. I’ve been busy getting situated and registered for classes. But I really think I’m going to like it here, even if I am alone in a big city. It’ll be a fresh start for me. I left Tree Hill about a week after graduation, much to the surprise and disappointment of my friends. I mean they knew I was leaving, knew I was moving to New York to attend college, but I don’t think they expected me to leave so soon. The truth is…I didn’t plan on leaving so soon when I’d decided on New York. But it hurt too much for me to be there in Tree Hill anymore and have my heart break a little more each day I had to see my boyfriend and best friend together. I let him go, I’ll admit that. So maybe it is kind of my fault Lucas and Peyton are together, but that doesn’t mean it’s what I wanted, because it’s not. I mean who wants the man they’re like completely in love with to go and be with another woman, let alone their best friend? Not me, that’s for d**n sure. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking telling him it was okay, but I did. Maybe I did it because of that saying I heard once. I don’t remember who said it, but I remember what they said: “If you love something, set it free. And if it comes back, it’s yours forever.” So maybe I am testing that. It gives me a little hope, which is something I could definitely use right now. It’s been really lonely the past month without anyone I know to talk to. I really miss hanging out with Haley (and obviously I miss Lucas, but let’s not think about him right now). I mean Haley and I talk on the phone like every day since I left, but it’s not the same. We still can’t hang out like we used to. And I really need my best friend right now. It’s so quiet in this little apartment, and the silence makes me much more aware of how alone I am. The apartment is great though…cute and affordable. It’s above this amazing little coffee shop where I’ve had breakfast almost every morning since I got here. It reminds me of Karen’s, so I like spending my free time there. It’s very convenient too, the apartment…right down the street from school. I love everything about this apartment except for the silence, and I’m also starting to wonder if this little place is going to be big enough. I never expected to feel this lonely, even though I’ve always been afraid of being alone. But I am out in the real world now and it is really scary, especially now. Still, I’ve never been this afraid before, of anything. And then the stick turned blue.
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mausbrucas
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:42:19 GMT -5
TWO It’s so weird not having Brooke here. There hasn’t been a time in three years that she hasn’t been close by. Now she’s 13 hours away in New York City and everything feels different. In a matter of three months, my life has changed in more ways than I ever expected. Although I’m extremely happy with Peyton, I can’t help but feel a little bit lost without the sameness that my life has had for the past couple years. I finally settled into a routine that I was comfortable with and then the whole world shifted again, or at least it felt like it did. Don’t get me wrong, Peyton’s great. She’s beautiful, amazing and she makes me laugh and smile a hundred different times a day. But I also miss Brooke. I knew she was leaving eventually for New York, but I didn’t expect her to leave two days after graduation. She just dropped by, gave me a neatly folded letter and disappeared into a cab without even looking back. She didn’t seem hesitant or anything and she told me not to open the letter until after she left. So I’d waited and then read. Hey Luke— I’m writing this letter because I know that when I actually say goodbye to you, it’ll be too hard to say everything I want to say to you. So, here goes.
I love you. I will always love you, even though we’ve moved on. I am going to miss you so much, but I think that it would be best if we didn’t talk to each other for awhile. It’s better for you, for Peyton and for me. It’s time we all move on from this awkwardness that has been pretty much the last half of our senior year. You and Peyton are together now, and that’s how it should be I guess.
You need someone, Lucas, and so does she. I tried to be that person for both of you, that person who takes care of you, but I guess life just got in the way and took us all in different directions, you and Peyton together. We knew it would happen someday, but I guess we just weren’t prepared, at least I wasn’t.
Anyway, tell everyone goodbye for me again. Give them my love, and remind Haley to call me when she brings that little Naley bundle of joy into the world. I’ll never forget all the great times you and I had together on that wild ride we called a relationship. I’ll never forget us, but I think it’s time you do…for everyone’s sake.
Okay, I’m going to end this now. I’ll be fine on my own. I’m stronger now than I used to be. So don’t worry about me, okay? I won’t get into any trouble, like prostitution or alcoholism and all that.
I love you, Lucas Scott…always. Don’t tell Peyton this, but I love her too. Good luck with college and your life.
Always Yours,
Brooke So there it is…her goodbye to me, a sappy, sweet letter she knew would make me cry. But maybe she was right. I’ll always have a history with her, a history I never want to forget, but it should stay history. I’m madly in love with Peyton and I need to focus on my future with her, not dwell in the past. I think maybe my problem is that I can’t be happy. When I was with Brooke, I still missed the unpredictability of Peyton. And when I’m with Peyton, I still miss Brooke’s sense of adventure and spontaneity. It seems like I won’t let myself be happy. I mean look at Nathan and Haley. Whenever something happens in their life that threatens to hurt their relationship, they somehow find a way to get past it or get through it and be happy again. Why can’t I figure out how to do that? All right…I think it’s about time I end my pity party. I need to let it all go and move on like Brooke said I should. Hopefully everything will work out like she said. I just hope she will be okay in New York. I know she’s been taking care of herself for awhile now, but she’s always had a support system in her friends, and she’s so much more familiar with Tree Hill. The only place Brooke has been in New York are the malls. I just hope she’ll be able to survive in that huge city without her friends or parents. She’s always been afraid of being alone. But New York was her choice, and I can’t do anything to change her mind, especially now. Still…I can’t help but worry. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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mausbrucas
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:43:03 GMT -5
THREE Twelve weeks. That’s what the doctor told me when I finally went. I was twelve weeks, or three months pregnant when I found out. I was completely shocked, and I still am a little. I was shocked that I was pregnant and I was shocked I hadn’t figured it out sooner. How had I missed it for so long? I have no clue. Maybe I just wasn’t looking for it, but…is anyone my age? I’m just slow I guess, and I never see the signs for anything. But it doesn’t matter now anyway. What matters is I am pregnant. I’m about sixteen weeks along now, and I have a doctor’s appointment next week. The past month, I have sort of just been accepting the pregnancy and deciding what I’m going to do. I did consider an abortion, but I pushed the idea away almost as soon as it came to me. I don’t want to be alone in this, I don’t want to be a single mother, but I could never kill my child either. I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to do it, but I am going to do it. I’m going to have this baby. I’m going to carry it, and give birth to it, and raise it…all by myself. So what about the father? I haven’t really decided for sure yet whether to tell him or not. But I’ve debated it often already with Haley. The first time we discussed it was after I found out, about a week after I moved here… “Whoa…you’re pregnant?” Haley asked me through the phone. I’d called her two days after taking the home tests, and right after the doctor’s appointment. “Yep,” I said. “Twelve weeks, according to the doctor.” “Twelve weeks? Brooke, how did you—“ “Not know? I have no clue, Haley. But you don’t have to freak out. I’m already doing that enough for myself.” “Okay, I’m sorry.” I heard her sigh.” Are you okay?” Then, I started to cry again. “I’m so scared, Haley. I can’t do this. I can’t be a mom.” “Yes you can, sweetie. You can do it, I know you can. You are so strong, stronger than you know, and if you want to, you can do this. The only question is, do you want to do this?” That’s when I’d considered between abortion and parenthood. It did surprise me how quickly I’d responded. “Yeah…I do. I’ve always wanted a family. I just didn’t think it would be coming so soon.” “Well, you’ll be okay, better than okay. And you know, you won’t be doing it alone. I’m going to be a first time mom in just a few months.” “Yeah, but at least you have Nathan. I don’t have anyone.” I knew she’d hesitated before asking the next question. “Brooke, is it—“ “Yes…it’s Lucas’s baby.” “Have you told him yet?” “I just found out myself, Haley. You’re the first person I’ve told.” “Are you going to tell him?” “I don’t know. And I know what you’re going to say. I should tell him, he has a right to know, and you’re probably right. But he also has a life now, a life that I am no longer a part of. And I don’t want him to just make me a part of his life again just because I’m pregnant. It’s not what I want and it wouldn’t be fair to anyone, least of all this baby. I just…I need some time to think about it.” “Okay…I understand.” “You’re not going to tell him are you?” “It’s not my news to tell. He is my best friend and brother-in-law, and I do think he should know, but you’re my best friend too and you’re the one who’s pregnant. And I know how scared you are right now, so I’m going to stand by you on this one.” “Thank you,” I whispered. “I really need someone standing by me.” “I know. And I’ll always be here for you if you need me. Call me soon, okay?” “I will.” I’d told her I needed time to think about it, to think about what I was going to do, if I was going to tell Lucas about the baby. I know I probably should, but I’m afraid to tell him. I want to tell him, I want to tell him so badly, but I can’t. As I’d told Haley, he has a life now…with Peyton. He’s happy and I don’t want to interrupt his happiness. Besides…as much as I love him and miss him and want him back, I don’t want him coming back to me just because I’m pregnant. That’s why I’ve come to the decision that I have. I love Lucas and I always will, as I told him in the letter I wrote him when I left. There’s no point in me trying to deny to myself my love for him. But he loves Peyton. He always has in some way or another, even when he was with me, loved her. She is the one he wants to be with, and as long as I don’t get in the way anymore, they will be together. So I’ve decided…I’m not going to tell him.
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mausbrucas
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:43:59 GMT -5
FOUR “You’re thinking about Brooke again, aren’t you?” I asked Peyton as I held her hand over the kitchen table. “How she left?” Peyton nodded somberly. “I miss her. I know she was angry with me, but I never thought she would leave without saying goodbye at the very least. She’s been gone a month, but it still gets to me sometimes.” “I know it does.” I lifted her chin in my hands. “But things will get better. She won’t hate you forever. Come on now…don’t go all sad punk on me again.” That brought a smile to her face. “Awe…there we go.” I squeezed her hand. “Yeah, it’s just been really weird not having someone to talk to like she and I used to.” “Wait, what about me?” Peyton let out a small laugh. “I know you’re here, but I need someone I can talk to about you too.” “Great,” I said flatly, this time getting a louder, more enthusiastic laugh from her. “How about if I be your best friend? We can talk about anything you want, even me.” “I think that’s great.” “All right then. What do you want to talk about?” I patted my lap, motioning for her to come sit with me. “Hmm…why don’t we go back to those daydreams that we were talking about earlier?” She suggested with a sneaky, suspicious and seducing smile. “Well, why not?” I returned the grin. Peyton finally sat down in my lap. She leaned in to kiss me and I openly took the chance. After we pulled away, I started to talk again. “I’ll always be here for you, Peyton. You know that right?” “Of course,” she answered. “Well, I just wanted to make sure. I’ll always be here to take care of anything you need. I just want you to feel safe, even though Brooke’s gone and your dad is away and—“ “I know, Luke. I promise, I know. You’re always there for me, and you always have been. I trust you with my life, and with my heart.” I smiled. “Well, you must think as much of me as I think of you.” “I love you,” she said without hesitation. “I love you too.” “Well,” Peyton continued after a minute or so. “It’s been said that love conquers all. What do you think about that?” She rested her head on my chest and I considered before I responded. “I think that we conquer anything we put our minds to. I mean deaths, marriage, injury…you can’t go through much more pain than that. We’ve always gotten through it in the end.” Peyton nodded in agreement. “I know this isn’t really something I should worry about considering I’m not really her friend anymore, but…do you think Brooke will find love again?” I was confused where that thought had come from, but I knew Brooke was still an important part of Peyton’s life, and she would always be concerned for her. “I just hope she can find someone who’ll love her and protect her like you do for me.” I was still in thought about the subject of Brooke and her finding someone else. I don’t know why, but I felt kind of conflicted then in my answer. “Brooke’s a loveable person with a big heart. I’m sure she’ll find someone to love her and keep her safe.” Peyton, satisfied with my answer, laid her head on my shoulder. “Thanks for keeping me safe,” she whispered. “Always.”
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mausbrucas
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:45:04 GMT -5
FIVE So another doctor's appointment came, my second one. The first appointment was basically to confirm the pregnancy. Today would be more like an actual check up. Today, the doctor was going to do a sonogram, ultrasound or whatever it's called, as well as determine my due date, and, if I wanted to know, the baby's sex. I sat in the waiting room for about ten minutes before the nurse finally brought me back to the exam room. Then, she told me to undress, put on the gown (an ugly and very thin gown at that), and have a seat on the table and the doctor would be in in a few minutes. Great, I thought, more waiting. I don't know why I was so anxious exactly. I think, maybe, it's because being back in that room made the pregnancy even more real. In just a few minutes, I would see and hear the baby, know when it was coming, and it would all be so real, more real than it had ever been before. Everything would change after that, and that is what scared me. “Good morning, Brooke.” Doctor Rooker entered the room. Her unannounced entrance made me jump. “’Morning,” I replied with a smile. “How’re you feeling?” “Nervous,” I answered through a sigh. “Well, you have nothing to be nervous about. “You’re young and healthy.” I watched as she set my chart down on the counter and I reply, "Right, but I'm also 18 and pregnant." Doctor Rooker smiled as she snapped on her gloves. She wheeled a stool over to me, on the table near the sonogram machine, and she said, "Well, maybe the sonogram will make you feel a little more confident." I lay back on the table as she instructed and waited as she pulled the machine closer. "No, this'll be a little cold," she said before squeezing gel onto my exposed abdomen. She was right...it was cold, cold enough to make me shiver a little. "Okay, now let's take a look here." I watched the screen, still anxiously, as doctor Rooker moved the paddle along the lower part of my abdomen where she'd squeezed on the gel. All I saw for the first few minutes was just black and white fuzz, like the screen of a television almost when the cable goes out. And then the picture began to change, as did the silence of the room. I'd been so apprehensive about this pregnancy until that point, the point when I first saw my baby on screen for the first time, It's so hard to explain and even to understand, but it's like actually seeing what's happening inside me and hearing that little heartbeat took away all my fears. Okay...not all my fears, but most of them anyway. I'm still scared though, scared of all the changes I'm going to have to face, and scared that I might not be able to handle the mom part. But I'm not afraid of being alone anymore because I know I'm not. I'll never be alone again. I feel more connected to this baby now. Ever since that day, I am connected to this baby, and this baby is connected to me. This baby is growing inside me, and it is an amazing feeling to me now. It's amazing that there is life inside me, a life that is counting on me for protection and love and nourishment for the next six months. For the first time ever in my life, someone else needs me. Wow...I never thought that would ever happen. But it is happening, and I could seriously not be happier. It's obvious I'm much more confident now then I was a month, or even an hour ago. I'm much more confident about everything now, from the moment I heard that heartbeat and saw my little angel on the screen. That's what this baby is to me now...an angel straight from heaven. I thank god for this pregnancy now. It really has brought me so much faith and trust in life, not only my life, but the life of my daughter. Oh yeah...it's a girl.
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mausbrucas
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:45:48 GMT -5
SIX After that conversation with Peyton, I thought a lot about everything. I thought about how happy I felt with Peyton, but also how I wanted to be there for Brooke. It wasn’t just that I wanted to be there for her, I realized, but a part of me felt like I should be with her. For some reason, I suddenly felt like I had abandoned her, like I had just left her out in the cold to fend for herself. But I knew there was nothing I could do now. I cared a lot about Brooke, but I was in love with Peyton. My heart had already made up its mind. Still, my own mind couldn’t move away from the fact that Brooke was alone in New York City. And that worried me because Brooke hated to be alone. I always knew that about her. Peyton had asked me if I thought Brooke would ever find love again. That question sat in my mind for days and days. I knew she deserved someone who would treat her like she deserved to be treated, someone who would treat her better than her parents and I had treated her. She’d had her heart broken too many times by almost everyone she ever knew, and she needed someone to mend her broken heart and keep it from ever breaking again. Sometimes though…I couldn’t stop myself from thinking I should have been that someone for her. I really needed to stop thinking about Brooke so much, especially since Peyton was my girlfriend now. I still missed my relationship with Brooke, as rocky as it had been, but I needed to let it go. Brooke obviously didn’t want me in her life anymore and besides that, I was with Peyton. I needed to focus on her and our relationship. I smiled when my thoughts finally came ‘round Peyton again. She was so incredibly beautiful and she made me so happy. The moment she walked into any room, she lifted all my spirit. We understood each other on a level that most others don’t. We both loved music and were kind of deep in philosophy and stuff. We both knew pain better than anyone (except maybe Brooke) and we both were extremely broody. Broody…that’s what Brooke always used to--no! I seriously needed to stop thinking about her. So why couldn’t I? Peyton missed Brooke too, I knew. We talked about her almost everyday. That is, Peyton would talk about her and I would just kind of nod my head and act like I wasn’t thinking about the exact same thing, like I didn’t care. Except that I did care…a lot. I just didn’t want Brooke to be lonely, like a part of me felt like she was. Or maybe…a part of me, as cruel and selfish and wrong as it sounds, hoped she was. It’s not like I was hoping Brooke would be lonely forever. But for some reason unknown to me then, it was like I just wasn’t ready to hear that she might be happy and not so lonely with someone else, even though I was with someone else myself. I didn’t know why I kept feeling like that. Maybe, I told myself time and time again, it was just because I missed her. And maybe…there were still some lingering feelings. But of course there were still some feelings….Brooke was my first love, my first…everything. How could there not still be feelings there? But I was with Peyton now. I loved her, Peyton that it, and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Yet…I wasn’t very much liking my life without Brooke either. So it all came down to the same question: Was I in love with Peyton? I asked myself that over and over again whenever my thoughts did linger around Brooke (which I found becoming routine). But I never really could figure it out until someone else asked me the same thing outloud. It wasn’t until then that I actually really thought about it.
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mausbrucas
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:47:51 GMT -5
SEVEN Things really started to look up for me after that last doctor appointment. I wasn’t so afraid to be alone in New York anymore, or alone at all really because I knew that in six months, around January sixth, I would have my little girl. Little did I know, companionship and that feeling of love would come a lot sooner than I expected. It was almost two weeks after that last appointment that we ran into each other…literally. Before heading out to start my shopping spree for baby things with the money my parents had sent me (that was something else I’d still needed to do…tell my parents(, I’d decided to get something to eat at London’s (the café below my apartment building). “Here you go m’am,” the cashier said, holding out a white paper bag and Styrofoam cup after I’d paid. “Two blueberry muffins and a raspberry ice tea.” “Thank you.” I said as I took the bag and cup. I must have been pretty hungry or something because I wasn’t paying any attention and I bumped right into another. “Oh my god, I am so sorry!” was my immediate response.” “It’s okay,” he said through a chuckle. His voice sounded strangely familiar and when I saw his face, I knew why. “Chase…” I smiled at the sight of him. “Hey Brooke,” he said with that cute dimpled smile I remembered and loved so much. “Long time, no see.” “Yeah…I mean not that long. It’s only been a couple of months.” “Long enough,” Chase said. “Now I know where you disappeared to after graduation.” “I didn’t disappear,” I defended as we moved over to a table. “I told you I was leaving early.” He laughed again as we sat down. “I know. I’m just messing with you, Brooke.” I smiled and we got caught up in each other’s gaze, like we had back in Tree Hill when he came to town. Chase had been the first guy I’d ever gotten feelings for after Lucas, and as I stared at him I realized those feelings were still there. “So what brings you to New York anyway?” I wondered. Still smiling, he answered with, “Actually, I transferred to NYU, much better university than back in California, at least that’s what I told my parents. But, I um…I actually came looking for you.” “What?” That sure took me by surprise. I couldn't believe what i was hearing. Chase Adams had come to New York looking for me? Why? We had agreed right before graduation that it woudl be better to end thnigs then, sicne i was moving to New York and him, abck to California. And now he was telling me that he had moved to New York...looking for me. "I haven't been able to stop thinknig about you sicne you left. Those first two months together were going really well for us and i think we gave up before we gave us a chance." "Chase..." I could tell where he was going with the conversation and i felt i needed to stop him before he did, but he wouldn't let me. "Wait, let me finish okay? I really like you, Brooke. And I really couldn't keep going on with college and life until I at least told you how i felt because i never really got the chance." When he paused, I knew it was finally my chance to get in what i needed to say. Yet, I had no idea where to begin. So i just went with it. "I like you too Chase," I started. "I really do, and you know i do. But um...things are different in my life now, or they will be different and--" "Different?" He looked at me confused. "Different how? Is there someone else?" I smiled and moved my hand over my belly under the table and i said, "Actually, there is, but not in the way you're probably thinking." He still looked puzzled so I made it clearer. "I'm pregnant." That definitely took him by surprise. I could tell by the expression on his face and when he'd responded with "Oh." I chuckled. "Now you know what i mean by somenone else?" He smiled. "Yeah." Then, he paused again staring at my face again. "But I don't see why that has to affect us." Now I was confused. Wasn't he supposed to be running as far away from me as he could get? "Come on," I said. "You don't want to be with me. I'm gonna get fat, fatter than i already am. And then when I'm at my fattest, I'm gonna have a baby. and then I'm gonna be a mom...for the rest of my life. You're not ready for that kind of responsibilily yet." "Why says? Maybe I am, or maybe i will be. Maybe i want it if it means i get to have it with you." "Chase...I can't. Just because I'm having a baby doesn't mean you have to." "I know." He moved his hand over mine. "But I want to be with you. I want to give us the chance we didn't have time for. Please Brooke...will you please take a chance on me again?" I knew that i shouldn't, but on the other hand, I wasn't so sure. I was having a baby, which meant I didn't really have the luxury to date anymore. But I also still had feelings for him ,I could feel it. And I was still kind of lonely, the kind of lonely i didn't want to be, the kind I'd always hated. And Chase was right there, offering to make that loneliness disappear. "We can start where we left off," he pushed. "Have some fun, study, be together, do whatever. I'll be good to you, Brooke. I'll take care of you if you'll let me." The pregnancy hormones already running wild, tears filled my eyes. I squeezed his hand and said, "Okay." Then he came over and kissed me, and, going with the hormones and what i was feeling at that moment, I gave in to the kiss. It was amazing, as well as relieving. I no longer felt lonely in the big city.
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mausbrucas
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:49:13 GMT -5
EIGHT Nathan was the one who got me thinking about my feelings again. It was kind of strange because I was always the one advising him, getting him to think about Haley, basketball and other stuff. And then he switched roles on me one afternoon while we were at the River Court. “How’s Haley doing?” I asked as I bounced the ball to Nathan after missing a basket. “She’s great,” he replied. “She’s really anxious about the baby though. I am too. We’ve got everything ready for him and now he just needs to come out and meet us.” I smiled back at him. I could tell he was finally happier than he had ever been, or at least he would be once he finally got to hold his son. “I’m happy for you, Nate,” I said. “And I’m excited too, I think I’m going to make a pretty cool uncle.” Nathan laughed as he forced the ball into the air right into the basket. He let the ball bounce away into the grass and joined me on the picnic table top. “So how are things with Peyton?” He asked before chugging down water. “Oh, things are good,” I answered with half a smile. “You don’t sound too convincing.” “Things are great with Peyton and me. It’s just…I’ve just been thinking about Brooke a lot lately, even though I probably shouldn’t be. But I can’t help worrying about her. Haley hasn’t talked to her recently has she?” “Probably,” Nathan answered. He sounded kind of nervous for some reason, like he knew something I didn’t, but I didn’t press him on it. I figured he was just concentrating on getting the ball in the hoop again. “She and Brooke are like closer than sisters,” Nathan went on. Then, he turned and looked at me. “I take it you and Brooke aren’t keeping in touch?” I shook my head. “No…I haven’t heard from her once since she left.” “Does that bother you?” I didn’t answer right away. I was trying to decide for myself if it did or not. But I didn’t really need to think about it long. The answer was obvious from how much I’d been thinking about it.. “Yeah…it does,” I answered, looking back at him. “I know that it probably shouldn’t because I’m with Peyton now, but…Brooke was still a good friend, you know? She was more than that. She was the first girl I ever…well, everything with. And it’s like now she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.” “Well, maybe she just needs some time, Luke.” “Or maybe she does never want to see me again. It would explain a lot, like why she left for New York so soon and why she hasn’t called or written me.” Nathan sat down next to me again. He sighed as he set the ball down in between his feet. He looked at me and asked, “Luke…are you still in love with Brooke?” “What?” I responded immediately. “No…I’m with Peyton, Nathan. Why would you even ask me that?” “I’m sorry. It just seems like you’re spending an awful lot of time thinking about Brooke when you claim to love Peyton.” “I do love Peyton, Nathan. I love her with all my heart. That’s why I’m with her. I just…I miss Brooke. I miss having her around. That’s all me thinking about her is…missing her.” Nathan nodded. “Okay…then can I ask you one more question?” “If you must.” He paused and stared at me a minute before he asked, like he was trying to read the answer in my expression before he even asked it. “You said you love Peyton,” he finally spoke. “Yet, you keep thinking about Brooke because you miss her. So it just kind of makes me wonder…are you in love with Peyton? Or do you just love her?” When he asked me that, I couldn’t even come up with an answer. All I could do was stare back at him, wondering the same thing myself. Of course I’m in love with Peyton, I tried convincing myself again. That’s why I’m with her…isn’t it?
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mausbrucas
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4 MONTHS TIL JANUARY :)
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:49:57 GMT -5
NINE The next few weeks with Chase were so amazing. Every Saturday night he would take me out to dinner and a movie, and some other nights he would come over to my apartment and we’d hang out and most often cuddle on the couch watching television until we fell asleep. He really made me feel special the way he spoke to me, smiled at me and surprised me at work, school and even home with flowers or lunch. What really amazed me though, was how cool he was about the whole baby thing. The baby I was carrying wasn’t his, yet he acted as if she were. He listened to me when I talked about her, or read something from What to Expect When You’re Expecting, (the only book I’ve ever really been into), and he comforted me when my hormones got the better of me and I started crying at the littlest, most often stupdiest things. He helped me start work on the nursery, and he even offered to be my Lamaze coach. Amazing… I really couldn’t believe how amazing he was, or how happy I’d become. I felt myself falling more and more for him everyday, and I could tell he was falling too. I was loving where the relationship was going, and that I’d finally found someone I had feelings for who had feelings for me too. Yet, as much as I felt for him and enjoyed my time with him, there were still moments I wasn’t with Chase that I found myself thinking about Lucas and even longing for him at some times. It confused me when I did think or feel for him again because I was sure that I didn’t feel for him anymore. But, as I soon came to realize, those feelings I’d had for Lucas didn’t just disappear over night. In fact, they hadn’t disappeared at all. I’d just been hiding and trying to push them away to avoid hurting and missing him so much, as Haley had helped me realize. “It has been so crazy up here, Haley, you have no idea.” I smiled as I watched Chase sit down next to me on the couch as I talked with Haley on the phone. I giggled and bit my lip as he kissed my neck. “Wow…” Haley said on the other end. “It does sound crazy up there. Tell Chase I said hi.” I touched his face and pushed him away. “Haley says hi. Now can you quit for a few minutes so I can talk to her?” “No way,” he said, resisting the force of my hand and kissing me again. “Chase…” “Okay,” he finally caved. “I’ve got class anyway. I’ll see you tonight?” He kissed me cheek again and touched my stomach before leaving with his backpack/ “Sorry,” I said into the phone. “It’s okay,” Haley said. “You sound happy, Brooke.” “I am.” I said, pulling myself up from the couch. I made my way over to the counter as I continued. “Chase is just so sweet and so amazing. He takes me out, cuddles with me, helps me study, and he’s helping me with the nursery. Oh, I totally forgot to tell you about the nursery!” Haley laughed at her end. “Okay…tell me about the nursery.” “Well, we’re painting the walls pink obviously, but I found the most adorable border. It’s a lighter shade of pink with cute little teddy bears. It’s all just so cute. I can’t wait for you to see it, Hales..” “I can’t wait either. You’ll love what Nathan and I have done with our nursery too.” “Oh, you have it finished finally?” “Yep, right in time too. Little Keith is due in two weeks.” “Wow…I can’t believe it’s tiem already. Time really does fly, doesn’t it?” “It sure does. So, um…speaking of my little bundle of joy…you made me a promise before you left. You promised you’d be here when he’s born, so are you still going to be able to make it back here in time?” I grew silent then, feeling like such an awful friend for promising her that then, and turning back on the promise now. “Actually, Hales,” I said sullenly, “I don’t think I am going to be able to make it back.” “Brooke, you--” “I know, I know , I promised you I’d come to be there for you, but I didn’t know I was pregnant when I made that promise. And I want to be there, I really do. You know I want to be there to see my godson be born, but things are just really complicated right now. I have school and work, and it’s probably not a good idea for me to travel right now. Plus, I’m showing quite a bit already and--” “Lucas.” Haley said blankly. There was no point in me trying to deny what she was getting at. She knew me probably better than anyone and she was right…Lucas was my biggest reason for breaking my promise to her. I sighed and tried to explain. “I’m sorry, Haleys, okay? It’s like I said, I’ve got a pretty good baby bump now and I am not ready for him to find out about this baby. And if I come back now , he will and I don’t think I could deal with that right now. I promise I’ll make it up to you and little Keith. I’ll spoil the kid rotten. Hell, I’ll spoil you rotten next time I see you if you’ll just forgive me this.” I didn’t hear here respond right away, but when she did, she said, “I’ll tell you what…I’ll forgive you right now if you admit to me out loud that the real reason you aren’t ready to come home and face Lucas is because you still have feelings for him.” My jaw hung open. I didn’t know what to say, how to respond. And I didn’t know how to respond then because deep down I knew she had the nail right on the head. I knew she was right, but I’d still tried to deny it anyway. “Haley…that’s not true. I don’t have feelings for Lucas anymore. I have feelings for Chase.” “Yes, I know that. I know you do have feelings for Chase, but I also know that you do still have feelings for Lucas, and that your feelings for Lucas right now are much stronger and deeper than your feelings for Chase.” I didn’t try arguing when she stopped. I just let her go on and analyze my feelings since I had obviously been trying to avoid doing it myself. “You can’t deny it, Brooke. You are carrying his child. There’s no way you couldn’t have feelings for Lucas. I know you’re still in love with him. It’s obvious by the way you try to avoid talking about him, or how quickly you change the subject when the conversation does turn to him. And it’s why you’re afraid to have him find out you’re pregnant.” “No…I don’t want him to find out because I don’t want him to change his whole life because of it.” “Right, because you know that if he does find out, he will want to be there for you and his baby. He would change his life to be there, but you don’t want him to because you’re afraid he’ll resent you one day for letting hi mdo that. Mostly though, you’re afraid that he would be around and love the baby, but never love you again, even though I know that would never happen.” Wow…I thought. She was exactly right on everything. She did know me better than anyone. My cheeks soaked from my tears, I looked down, touched my stomach and finally I said, “Okay…I admit iT. You’re right…about everything. So what do I do now?” “Whatever you think you should, sweetie. Do what you want, what your heart wants. But whatever you do, whoever you choose…make sure he is the one for you. I was just trying to help you see what you’ve been hiding from.” “You’re right, Haley. I have been hiding, but only because I don’t want to feel for Lucas like that anymore, not when his heart isn’t in the same place anymore. I’m trying to move on.” “That’s god, Brooke. I’m proud of you for that. I’m glad you’re not giving up. Follow your heart, but follow it carefully. I know you’ve been hurt in the past, but don’t let that stop you from loving again.” She paused again and I took in everything she’d said. “I understand it’s a really confusing and hard time for you to come back to Tree Hill now, so I won’t hold it against you. You take whatever time you need to sort everything out and then you come back when you’re ready. I’ll be here.” “Thanks, Haley.” “Always…I just hope you come back before little Keith turns eighteen.” I laughed. “I will, I promise. That you can hold me to. I love you, Hales…like the sister I never had.” “I love you too, Brooke. You are my sister.”
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mausbrucas
Hooked on the Show
4 MONTHS TIL JANUARY :)
Posts: 148
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:51:34 GMT -5
TEN That conversation with Nathan seriously got me thinking about everything again, everything with Peyton and everything with Brooke. I cared about them both so much and i realized, after that conversation with my brother, that i did still have feelings for Brooke. But i knew i still had feelings for Peyton. I was still convinced that i was in love with Peyton, not Brooke. I mean how could i deny it? She was so incredible and i loved spending time with her. And when i wasn't with her, she was still there in my head. But Brooke was there too...almost as often as i was thinking about Peyton. and what confused me...Brooke was sometimes in my dreams more than Peyton. As much as i tried to, I couldn't get Brooke out of my head. I missed her so much and it felt so strange not having her in my life. Sometimes i remember, it even felt like i was missing out on a lot by not being with her or around her. i just wanted to see her again or talk to her, just have some contact with her. I didn't want either of us to forget about our friendship, yet for some reason, she did. After talking to Nathan, I pulled that letter back out from Brooke, the one she wrote me as her goodbye. Even though that letter was her goodbye and her way to get closure, I still kept it. And now, after months of her being gone, I had pulled it back out again. I read it over and over again trying to figure out the answer to Nathan's question and my own: Was I still in love with Brooke? I just misssed her, i still told myself everytime i looked at that letter and put it away again. And i missed her so much because I hadn't gone that long without talking to her since before i knew her. Once i had gotten to know Brooke, i mean really gotten to know her, I knew i could never keep her out of my life, nor did i want to. and i had to tell her that, I decided. She needed to know I still cared very much for her, for our friendship, even if she didn't want me to. So i decided to write her a letter. I figured it was the best way to contact her and tell her everything i was thinking and feeling without requiring her to say anything back right away (even thougjh i hoped she would write me back). But i would write to her anyway. At least that way she would knowi stil lcared in case she didn't/ and plus...maybe I could finally clear my concious and get back to me and Peyton. After many, many drafts (I wasn't sure why it was so hard for me to come up with what i wanted to say exactly, but it was) i finally got that letter finished: Brooke, I know you didn't want me to contact you, that you wanted to give us some time to move on with our lives, but it has been really hard for me to forget about you like you asked me to. It's been hard because , well...I don't want to forget about you, or us for that matter. I have to be honest, Brooke...it really hurt me reading that letter. It hurt reading that you wanted to just forget about us, and for me to forget about us. How could you ask me to do that, Brooke? How could you ask me to forget about everything that happened between us? Is that really what you wanted? Because it sure as hell isn't what i wanted, nor what i would ever want, not in a million years. What you and i had was so special, Brooke. I know we did have our problem and a lot of bumps in the road, a lot of mistakes, but that doesn't make the good times we ha any less special. And I wouldn't trade any of the good or bad times with you for anything, nor will i ever forget them. We may not be together anymore, Brooke, but I hope we can still be friends. And i hope it's been enough time that you can let me be your friend again. I don't know if you do, but I really miss our friendship, Brooke. And even if you still want to forget it and everything else between us, always know that i never wil. You mean too much to me to forget. I’m not expecting you to send a letter back t ome, though i hope you will because maybe that will be hope for our friendship. But if you don't want respond to this, i will know you're not ready to be friends again/. But no matter if you're not ready for me to be your friend, you will still always be mine. Nothing will ever change that. That;s a promise, Brooke. Always, Lucas
P.S. In case the above didn't convince you of how special you are to me, maybe this will:
If there is ever a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. Even if we're apart...I will always be with you. So that was it. I read my letter over a few times to make sure it said everything i wanted it too without revealing too much to get me into trouble with Peyton. Actually, i wasn't sure how Peyton would feel about me writing Brooke, but it didn't really matter to me then. I just really needed Brooke to know how i felt about us. So I'd sorted out my feelings (to myself only really) and got them down in a letter. All i had to do next was send it. But to do that, i needed the new address of Brooke in New York. And Haley was the only one i knew for sure would have the information.
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mausbrucas
Hooked on the Show
4 MONTHS TIL JANUARY :)
Posts: 148
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:52:47 GMT -5
ELEVEN After that conversation with Haley, I spent the rest of the day thinking about everything. Actually, I spent like the next week and a half thinking about my feelings...for both Lucas and Chase. When Chase came back to my apartment that night, I pretended I'd fallen asleep so I wouldn't have to talk to him about it. For the rest of the week then, I still tried to convince myself that my feelings for Chase were stronger, or could be stronger than the feelings I still had for Lucas. But the more I tried to prove it to myself, the more Chase began to see that something had changed between us. "I know something's bothering you, Brooke," Chase said when he sat me down in my living room a couple weeks after the conversation with Haley. "You've been kind of distant lately." "I'm sorry," I said taking his hand when he offered it. "I've just been thinking about some stuff lately." "Like what?" I stared back into those beautiful brown concerned eyes of his and tears began to well up in mine as I answered him in almost a whisper. "I don't...I don't want to talk about it." "Why not?" "Because I don't want to hurt you." He knew then what was going on with me, but he tried to help me talk about it anyway. "Brooke...you can tell me whatever it is. You're not going to hurt me, okay? I promise. I know you're not that kind of girl. But you need to talk about it. Keeping it inside isn't good for you, and the stress isn't good for the baby. I'm right here listening. So talk to me...please?" I nodded and I finally told him about my talk with Haley. I told him about how she had helped me realize that I didn't and couldn't just push old feelings away overnight like I'd obviously tried to do. "I wish I could, Chase," I said through my sobs as I wiped another tear from my face. "I really wish I could just make those feelings for Lucas go away because I care about you so much, but..." "But...you love Lucas." He'd sounded so hurt and I hated myself for leading him on and hurting hi, even though it was never my intention. "I'm so sorry," I said in a whisper again. "It's okay," Chase said after a few seconds. "You heart wants what it wants, feels what it feels. You don't really have any control over it, and I understand that. We gave us a chance and that's all I asked for. Thank you for that, Brooke. Thank you for giving back to me the faith in love that I'd thought I'd lost forever." I smiled, but the tears were still falling, so Chase pulled me closer and held me near him a good few minutes. "I'm going to go, okay?" He said when he pulled away. I nodded as I sniffled and wiped my cheeks. He stood up from the couch and walked toward the door. But as he turned the knob, I lost it again. "Chase," I said and he turned and stared at me. I felt the tears come faster and I said softly, "I don't want to be alone." "Oh Brooke, no..." he said as he rushed back over to me. He pulled me close again. "Shh...it's okay. You're not going to be alone, not ever. You will be okay. We will be okay." "We will?" "Of course." He pulled away again. "We will always be friends. I wouldn't give up our friendship for the world. You're too wonderful a person. I'm still going to be in the apartment downstairs and I'm still going to come up and visit. You will never be alone, okay?" I smiled and hugged him again. "Thank you." "Thank you...for letting me in." We held our embrace until it was interrupted by the strangest and most amazing feeling I had ever felt in my life. "Oh!" was my response to it and I pulled away from Chase quickly. "What?" I laid my hands over my swollen stomach and said, "The baby...she kicked." Chase smiled. I moved his hand to my belly so he could feel too. "Wow..." was his reaction. "It's so amazing." "Totally." Chase looked up at me again with another one of those amazing smiles. "See, I told you...you will never, ever be alone." Hearing him say that and feeling my little girl kick for the first time brought some comfort to me. If only for that brief moment in time...
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mausbrucas
Hooked on the Show
4 MONTHS TIL JANUARY :)
Posts: 148
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:53:54 GMT -5
TWELVE So I had to wait a little while before I could send that letter. Shortly after finishing it, I got a call from Nathan telling me he was on his way to the hospital with Haley. I left right away to meet them and Peyton at the hospital. My nephew, Keith Alan Scott, was born September 16, 2007 at 6:45 in the morning. At seven pounds, eight ounces, 21 inches long, he was the most beautiful baby boy ever born. And every nurse in the nursery agreed he was the spitting image of his father, with the tiny exception that his hair was not as dark as Nathan's. But even that was barely noticeable compared to his other features. Meeting my nephew had really got me anticipating the impending birth of my new brother or sister as well. I found myself becoming even more anxious to see if I would be a big brother to another little brother, or if I'd finally get the little sister I'd always thought it would be cool to have. I would only have to wait a few more weeks. So to pass the time, I spent time helping Nathan and Haley out with little Keith. "Say cheese!" Peyton clicked the button on Haley's digital camera capturing a picture of Nathan and Haley together, Keith in Haley's arms. "Um...I don't think he's quite ready to say cheese yet," Haley said as she smiled down at her son. "Maybe not," Nathan agreed ,taking the camera from Peyton and setting it on the counter. "But he can smile. Look..." "Awe..." Peyton said as she and I watched with our own smiles. "That's so cute." "Yeah, it is," Haley said. "Except I think it was more gas than smiling." "Well, I guess he really is like Nathan after all," I joked. We laughed and Haley turned to Nathan. I watched as they admired their son together. I knew since the day I'd met Haley that she would make a great mother and now it really proved true. Baby Keith fit perfectly in her arms, and the smile on hers, and Nathan's face, seemed like it would never fade. Nathan's grin grew even wider as he ran his hand over his son's fuzzy dark hair. "Hey Luke, you want you hold him?" Haley's voice pulled me from my thoughts. "Uh..." I suddenly grew very nervous then, just at the thought of holding an actual human being who was as little and fragile as Keith. "Oh, come on, Luke," Haley pressed. "He's not heavy at all and he's so warm." "Yeah, go on, babe," Peyton joined in. "You'll need the practice for when your new little sibling arrives." Peyton and Haley's smile and the soft cooing from the baby finally convinced me. Nathan carried him over to me and laid him in my arms. "Hey Keith," I said softly as I bounced him gently in my arms. He stared back at me with those deep brown eyes and squirmed in my arms. i laughed uneasily as I carried him back around the counter to Nathan and Haley. Once again, Haley's voice pulled me from my daze. "Hey Luke...Nathan and I kind of had another reason for asking you guys over today. We wanted to ask you if you would mind if we made you Keith's god father?" I looked down at Keith again and my heart seemed to melt in my chest. "I would be honored," I answered. "Thanks, man," Nathan said, gently slapping my shoulder. "You'll make a great god father and uncle," Haley said. "Now give me back my baby." Haley giggled, and Nathan, Peyton and I chuckled as I returned Keith to her arms. "You're going to make a great dad, Nate," I said to him as Peyton and Haley joined together to admire Keith again. "Thanks. And you'll make a great dad some day too." "Thanks." Nathan and I hugged and Haley said, "Uh...Dad? I think he's ready to be changed, and probably a nap too. You want to..." "Oh yeah," Nathan said, jumping at the opportunity to hold his son again. I could tell he was really loving the whole dad thing already." "Hey Peyton," he said as he took Keith from Haley. "You want to come help?" Peyton scrunched her nose. "Yeah...'cause dirty diapers are my idea of a good time?" Nathan laughed. "I just thought you'd want to see how much he enjoys that new nursery you helped with." Peyton threw her head back with a smile. "Ugh...okay." She walked toward them, running her hand along my back as she went. "Here I am falling for another Scott boy. What is this power you all have over me, huh Keith?" Haley chuckled as they left the room. "So are you sending these pictures to anyone, or are they just for his baby book?" I asked Haley as she reviewed the pictures on her camera again. "Both," she replied. Her thumb pressed on the arrow button. "My parents want some to show off to their friends and to my brothers and sisters. And I promised Brooke I'd send her some." Brooke. There she was back on my mind all of a sudden, with just the mention of her name. Well, actually, in all honesty, she had never really left my mind, especially since I couldn't stop wondering what had kept her from coming home that week of Keith's birth. "Oh yeah, Brooke..." I said, trying to make the mention of her as casual as I could. "You know, I've kind of been wondering why she hasn't come back to visit yet. Didn't you saw awhile ago that she promised she'd be back to visit when you had Keith?" "Yeah..."I'd heard a hint of hesitation in her voice then, but I hadn't really pressed her on it because she kept talking. "She did, but um...she just couldn't get away like she thought she'd be able to." I nodded, but I still felt the need to know more. I couldn't help myself. "She must be pretty busy up there then, huh?" "That's what she tells me. But she is loving her school and work and everything up there." "Wow, she's working too?" "Yeah...in a little clothing boutique." Haley paused then for a second and stared at me with a look that sort of gave the impression she knew exactly why i was asking about her. "She's doing really good up there, Luke." I nodded then. "I know. I mean I know from you how she is, but...I just would like to hear from her about how she's doing. We were just getting back to being friends before she left and now, well...it just sort of feels like she hates me again." "No, Luke, she doesn't hate you. She's just really busy, so busy she's barely had time to call or write me back,. So maybe when she has more time, she'll write you too." "Well, actually I've sort of already taken that initiative. I've been wondering how she is for awhile now, so I've written her a letter. The only problem is, she never left me an address or phone number in the letter she left me before she moved. So I was hoping you might be able to help me out with that." "With what?" Haley asked and it seemed like she was nervous althought I wasn't sure why. I smiled and said, "An address for her so I can send the letter I wrote her. You're the only one I know she's still keeping in contact with from Tree Hill. So do you think you can..." She nodded slowly, but still looked a little unsure as she grabbed a notepad and pen from her desk. As she returned to the island counter to write, I smiled. I was finally going to get to contact Brooke, something I'd wanted to do ever since she left. But the excitement hadn't lasted as long as I'd expected and hoped it would. In fact, it lasted barely a minute. "Luke," Haley said before her pen even hit the paper. "You know I love you and I will always be here to help you do anything, but...do you really think sending this letter o Brooke is such a good idea?" I leaned against the counter. "It's just a letter, Hales. Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" "Well, the most obvious reason being you're with Peyton now." "Yes, I am. Does that mean I can't write to my friend Brooke?" "Well, that depends." "On what exactly?" "On what your real reason is for writing her." "Because I miss her, Hales," I said after only a few seconds. "I miss my good friend, Brooke, like I missed you when you were living in New York. It was fun being her friend. She was a really, really cool person to talk to and hang out with. And I just want her to know that she still means so much to me and that...well, I just want her to let me back in again. I want her to let me be her friend again." "So...you're not still in love with her?" "No," I answered a little too quickly. "I just want to talk to her. So will you please write down her address?" "Yeah, I'll um...I'll write it down for you, Luke." Haley dragged her purple pen across the paper. She tore the paper from the pad and held it out for me as she stared with another concerned look. "But I still don't think you should send that letter." "Why not, Haley?" I wondered, still confused as to what she was really trying to tell me, and also kind of frustrated she hadn't just told me what she was feeling right away. "Why are you so bothered by my sending this letter? Really, who is it going to hurt?" She stared at me a moment before she answered. "You." "Me? How could this letter possibly hurt me?" "Because I don't think she'll write back." "Well, that's okay. I'm not expecting her too. I just want her to know that I'm still her friend when she's ready to let me back in as such." "And what if she's never ready to let you back in?" I backed away from the counter a little and crossed my arms and my eyes. "Haley, are you trying to tell me something? Has Brooke told you...does she...did Brooke say something to you about never wanting to talk to me again?" "No, I mean I don't know if she's feeling like that, but she..." "She what?" Haley looked up with even more worry in her face. With a sigh she said, " She's moved on, Lucas."
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mausbrucas
Hooked on the Show
4 MONTHS TIL JANUARY :)
Posts: 148
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Post by mausbrucas on Sept 3, 2007 22:54:53 GMT -5
THIRTEEN I had to admit that finally admitting how I felt brought some relief and allowed me to relax a little. But it also brought back that pain of being alone. What really made me cry alone at night was knowing that I could never act on my feelings. Lucas was with Peyton. He loved Peyton. He didn't love me anymore. He probably didn't even think about me anymore either. I understood all of that perfectly and painfully, but for some reason I couldn't get Chase to understand. After I'd told him I still had feelings for Lucas, Chase still talked to me and came to visit like he promised he would. Obviously he didn't come over as often, but he still called and came over to study, and we would talk when he did. He made sure I wasn't alone then, and he pushed and pushed me to make sure I wouldn't be alone forever. "Brooke, if you love Lucas then you need to tell him how you feel," he said to me one evening a week or so after I'd revealed my feelings. "I have, Chase," I said as I sorted more of the baby clothes I'd just bought earlier that day. Chase worked on setting up the crib for me. "I have told him so many times that I love him. He just doesn't feel the same about me anymore. Maybe he never did." "Well, that's obviously not true. You're carrying his child." "Yeah, well...he didn't have to love me to get me pregnant." "Oh come on, Brooke. Don't even go there! You know that's not how it was. You told me about how it used to be with him. And he would never have waited so long for you, or forgiven you for your mistakes if he didn't love you." "Okay, so maybe he did love me, but he doesn't anymore." "How do you know? Have you talked to him recently?" I didn't answer. I didn't need to. I hadn't talked to Lucas, not since I left Tree Hill. But there was reason for that. "Lucas is with Peyton now," I told him. "He loves her now." "Maybe. But maybe not." Chase stopped work on the crib and came to sit by me. "Why is Lucas with Peyton?" "Because he--" "No, what I mean is what pushed him to move on to Peyton so soon after being with you?" I stared back at him. Again, he already knew the answer. I had told him just about everything that had happened between Lucas and I. "I told him it was okay," I said quietly, feeling the tears well up again. "Why?" He asked as he took my hand. "Because I love him." "And you want him to be happy?" I nodded. "Well, did you ever think that maybe he is with Peyton now because he wants to make you happy?" "What? No..." "Think about it, Brooke. You love him. You were together twice. And when you ended things the last time, you said he kept trying to make things right with you, while you kept pushing him away. And then you told him to go and be with Peyton, that it's okay when he hesitated. Think about how he may have saw that, Brooke. "You'd been pushing him away time after time, and then all of a sudden you were coming to him. So maybe the reason he listened to you then was because he thought it would make you happy. And if that's the case, if he is really only with her because you told him to, then it's probably because he does still love you." I thought about everything Chase said as he'd said it. And as he finished that last thought of his, I shook my head. "That doesn't make any sense, though. He wouldn't be with Peyton if he were really trying to make me happy. She is the last person he would be with." "Maybe it was his only option, Brooke. I don't think you're seeing it yet. Try and look at it from his point of you. You ended things and you kept pushing him away when he tried to reconcile with you. And then you are talking to him again, giving him the go ahead to be with the woman who tore the two of you apart. Maybe he took that as some strange sign that it was the only possible way he could finally make you happy, finally get you to let hi min again...by doing something you told him to do." "You really think he sees it that way? 'Cause I see it as a choice. He could've chosen to be with me, to love me and only me. But he chose Peyton...he loves Peyton." "Brooke, I still think you're refusing to see the same picture I see." "I'm not refusing to see it, I'm just not seeing it because I know it's not true. And even if it were, it's too late to change anything now. I can't go back, Chase. Lucas and I had our chance and our second chance, and both times I've been the one left heartbroken. But I can't hurt anymore, and I don't want to hurt anymore. I need to move on, for myself and my daughter. I need to put myself back together again for this little girl so I can be strong and do right by her. I may have failed at love, but I am not going to fail as a mom." Chase smiled. "You are a complicated woman, Brooke Davis." I returned the smiled. "I'll take that as a compliment, thank you." "And you didn't fail at love, Brooke," Chase said, getting serious again. "Love is just complicated and you just haven't figured it out yet. But you will. I have faith in you." "Thanks. And maybe you're right...maybe I will figure it out someday. But I think I'm just going to take a break from it all and just focus on school and work and getting ready for the baby. But thanks for trying to help me figure it out. I don't know where I'd be without you and Haley to help me through." "Well, you're an amazing person, Brooke, and you deserve happiness. And I really, really want you to find that." "I will. It's like I said...I just need a break. And maybe that happiness will finally come when this little girl finally comes. Until then, though...I'm going to really try and move on. It's time for me to do that, to forget about Lucas. I know I can't ever really forget about him, but I can forget about my feelings for him. And I will over time. After all...time heals all wounds right?" I really hope so, I thought to myself after I said that. I really do hope so.
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